Why focusing on flaws does not improve a relationship
It often seems that if something goes wrong in a relationship, the other person is the cause. But there are two people in a relationship.
While all attention is on what the other person should do, disappointment is almost inevitable.
We cannot influence another person’s feelings, choices and decisions.
But we can observe our own decisions, habits and reactions:
- What do I bring to this relationship?
- How do I react?
- What do I stay silent about?
Realising that the quality of the relationship depends not only on my partner but also on me is not easy, yet this is exactly where change begins.
It can also happen that you try very hard and show care, and get silence in return. That does not mean your efforts are in vain.
But sometimes it is worth asking yourself: how much am I investing, and how much is my partner?
Effort from one side alone may not be enough to solve the problem. Then it is important not just to try harder, but to understand what is happening between you.
We can only influence our own decisions, habits and reactions. It is not much, but it is exactly what we can work with.
When you change your habits and reactions, everything around often changes too.
Not because you have fixed or changed your partner, but because you look at the situation differently and are present in the relationship differently.
P.S. None of this applies to situations involving violence (physical, emotional or sexual).
